End of an Era

Wow! I had a great big post almost finished when my computer suddenly decided to crash....It's late and I'm tired. I haven't got the strength to rewrite it all.

So what am I doing now? I'm watching The Tragically Hip on tv performing in their last ever concert. I feel crushed. This is a band that I first discovered in 1985, when I was 18...that's a long time, a lot of songs and concerts. the poetic lyrics that belong to Gord Downie and all the memories that go along with them.

I think of my friend Krista who has passed away and was a Tragically Hip fan. The old boyfriend who first introduced me to them (and punk rock in the bargain). I'm raising my glass to all of it; the memories and lyrics sung past and present. But never again in this way.

The end of an era. And I'm proud to be Canadian.

Doctor's orders

I've recently been to see a Naturopathic Doctor. I had to do something about the chronic low energy I was feeling, in addition to seeing if anything could be done about the continuous flare ups of Crohn's disease and Fibromyalgia that I was experiencing.

This being my first visit the doctor completed a thorough hour and a half interview and physical assessment. She then suggested a few things that could be started immediately. And suggested an elimination diet.

Ignore the Power Sheets on the right. I just happened to be working on them when I snapped the picture. This isn't going to be fun folks, BUT I am so very desperate to feel better that I didn't hesitate when she suggested doing it. 

For those who don't know how this works, a person strips their diet down to the barest of bones. After 4 weeks, you begin adding foods back one at a time, carefully examining whether you are having any adverse reaction at all. As an experiment it will be interesting to see how I feel. So......

No red meat, pork, seafood, gluten containing grains, white potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, eggs, dairy etc...I'm sure you get my drift.

I'll be staring on Thursday this week. I've got my menu and grocery list ready and I'll keep you all posted. 

Blessings friends

C  xo

Baby Steps

When I started to feel well enough to begin moving forward I had some decisions to make. Woud I stay in Cornwall or attempt to go back to Ottawa? Deep in my heart it wasn't even a question. Every failed attempt stood in front of me, reminding me that things had to change and that simply wasn't possible if I simply returned.

So I moved into an empty bedroom at my aunt's. My uncle had passed away early in April and the company was good for her. And it meant a move away from my parents house. I had grown up there, had friends, lots of relatives, a church family, a therapist. In other words, lots of support.

I made a list of goals and action steps. I made a bucket list. And I decided that as much as possible, I was going to enjoy my summer.

I made pavlova

spent time with my grandson

Ate at The Quirky Carrot in Alexandria

and took pictures of quirky houses

I bought a live orchid,

took in art galleries,

went to a Medieval Festival,

Upper Canada Village

and took a selfie.

I took hikes

laid in hammocks.

enjoyed my first ever yoga retreat

and tried to surrender.

I drove to Ithica, NY...

to see "The Heights" at the Hangar Theater (Great show!)...

with my daughter Maddie.

We also ate at "Moosewood" Restaurant (Hello bucket list!) I'd been wanting to go there since 1985.

A week later I was off to Stratford, ON to see "As you like It" at the Shakespeare Festival. Another check on the Bucket List.

Thoroughly enjoyed reuniting with my cousin, the great play (Shakespeare's words set in 1985 Newfoundland), the beautiful little town of Stratford

and St Jacob's market.

I've dyed my hair slightly differently.

I'm now housesitting in Montreal,

with Sonja

and Carole who sadly had to leave on Wednesday. We've been to the Botanical Gardens, downtown, saw a protest march, old Montreal, had Mexican in Chinatown, did lots of shopping....at Khiel's, L'Occitane, Must Boutique, Williams-Sonoma and

Anthropologie where I could have easily dropped a year's wages but managed to restrain myself.

So what else have I done? A partial juice fast for 12 days, some hikes, went swimming. went kayaking for the first time ( more off the Bucket List), registered for school.....

None of these things may seem like much. But for the first time in a very long time, I've actually put myself first. And I've really enjoyed this summer. 

Day by day, I am healing.

Peace, my friends

C xo

New Beginnings...again

New beginnings...new steps...more steps...different directions. So many different things to make your mind spin. Truly, it's dizzying.

To paraphrase:

Into the freedom of wind and sunshineI let you go Into the dance of the stars and the planets I let you go Into the wind’s breath and the hands of the star makerI let you go 

This is my intention. My past life, my past self, I am letting it go. Of course, there are certain things which I will carry forward. My family, my friends, my experiences and history. These are the things I'm taking forward. 

What will this new beginning look like, you ask? Honestly, I'm not 100% sure. There are certain things I've done which I'll discuss in a moment and other things that I have in the works but am not fully certain about yet.

Just like Joan Anderson in "A Year by the Sea" I cracked under the pressure of the weight of carrying my life. The load was heavy and it wasn't shared in the way I needed. After years of fixing the cracks with bandage solutions I found myself unable to function anymore. Literally. And the only way I could even begin to heal was to leave. Now, before I have people jumping down my throat I have to say that my children are all adults. There's "desertion" and then there's DESERTION. Besides which I really had no choice. Staying meant suicide. Is that harsh? It's the truth. 

I tried to come back a few times. Didn't work. Within a day or two my fragile self would crumble and return to my previous state. Being at home wasn't working. 

Now I'm renting a room from my aunt. The children have all moved out. My husband says he is going to sell the house. There are so many bad memories associated to it for me that I could never return to live there, no matter what he decides to do. 

I need to establish my own true self, my identity. I need to establish a pattern of CHOOSING my life rather than letting it be chosen for me or just happening TO me. 

Baby steps...new steps....new beginnings. 

That's how it works.

Much love

C xo

Well that didn't work out too well

Not that I can blame Kris Carr or the Crazy Sexy Diet. I had my spinal tap 4 weeks ago when I was two weeks into the cleanse. I have to be honest with you I was struggling anyway. I wonder if the problem was tied to the weather for one thing. It was so very cold that all that raw food was not sitting well with me. I was freezing all the time and never feeling satisfied.

After the spinal tap I had the dreaded awful post-lumbar killer headache. Everytime I got up my head felt like a melon being split open. Not the most pleasant experience. It took two weeks to go away. Then I started back to work. I'm only doing 4 hour shifts at the moment but I'm coming home sore and exhausted.

Suffice it to say that the cleanse fell by the wayside :(

I simply must get back on track!!

The plan at the moment is to attempt the Crazy Sexy Diet cleanse again when it's summer. In the meantime I'll slowly revert back to a whole food diet. And on March 7, I'm doing the vegan whole food online course with Heather.

I'll just keep on keepin' on.

And keep on posting :)

Carolyn

Cookbook love

I absolutely LOVE cookbooks. Sometimes if I'm in the midst of madly cooking my way through a favourite, burning through the pages, it's like I'm having a passionate love affair or something :)

I actually have about 4 shelves of cookbooks, counting the books above. But with a few exceptions these are the ones I use time and time again. They have so many dog eared pages, sticky notes and bookmarks in them that it's laughable. I love them. If the house was on fire I would be very upset to leave them behind. But obviously I would since the kids and the husband and the cat come first...ahem.

So without further ado, from left to right:

~Ripe from around here by Jae Steele
~Get it Ripe by Jae Steele
By far my favourite vegan cookbooks!! I use both of these all the time. There has not been a recipe that I've tried that I didn't like. And she has tons of info at the beginning of both books.

~Vegan Cupcakes take over the World (read our previous post and you'll see why it's here!)

~Thirteen Moons by Louise Racine. From their Ontario Wellness Retreat for Women. Again every recipe I've tried is a keeper. It's organized by seasons, which I like. My pumpkin scones are from this cookbook :)

~Vegan Brunch by Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Need I say more?!

~The Family Dinner by Laurie David. Not specifically vegan, although there is a meatless Monday chapter. Many of the other recipes are adaptable and it is an altogether beautiful book that will inspire you to make dinner an event!

~Babycakes Cookbook by Erin McKenna. Vegan, Gluten-free, some are also sugar free. Good stuff.

~The Kripalu Cookbook by Atma JoAnn Levitt. Aaah Kripalu, how do I love thee..... One of my dreams is to go to the center on a retreat. Someday! In the meantime I use this classic cookbook alot! More vegetarian than vegan, it's still worth having. The black forest cake is to die for! And the miso cauliflower..yum!

~Moosewood Restaurant Celebrates by The Moosewood Collective. Arranged by season and holidays this book is wonderful. Another of my dreams is to go to Ithica, NY for the weekend and eat all my meals at the Moosewood. I've been using their cookbooks for years.

~Simple Suppers by Moosewood Restaurant. Nothing more to add here.

~The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone. More macrobiotic than I want to be this is still a wonderful worthwhile book. Great recipes and awesome info. And I have a girl crush on Alicia :)

~Moosewood Restaurant's Cooking for Health. I bet your getting tired of seeing that name huh?

~Veganomicon by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero. A great, never fail, got it all covered cookbook!

~Vegetarian Cookbook by The Green Door Restaurant. This one isn't pictured because my husband was using it at the time that I took the picture. This is my favourite Ottawa veg restaurant. If you have the cookbook you can make your own potatoes and kale! Do you hear me Mel?

So what's on your go to cookbook shelf? What are your favourites? Always looking for fresh inspiration here!

Peace and dream clouds
C xxoo

Vegan Cupcakes WILL Take Over the World!!!

Who needs eggs or milk to make good cupcakes? Hell, who needs butter to make a good buttercream frosting!

Apparently nobody, as I learned today. For christmas I bought my mom Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World by Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero...two women who really know how to bake vegan! So today, I thought I'd try a recipe.

Tomorrow is the last day of first semester and then next week I have two exams...eeek! I'm not stressing over my english exam, because english is one of my strong classes, but I'm kinda freaked about the geo exam. Geography doesn't really stick with me...honestly, I couldn't care less about stupid time zones and types of preciptitation. Nonetheless, I don't want to get below an 80% so I'll be studying all weekend...sigh.

Anyway, since tomorrow is the last day, my homeroom class is having a party and as per usual, everyone brings something in. Since I'm on the cleanse, I didn't want to not get any of the snacks so I figured I would bring something yummy and vegan in! I decided on classic vegan chocolate cupcakes with vegan chocolate buttercream frosting. I threw in some white chocolate chips and called it Triple Chocolate Vegan Cupcakes. They were really amazing and moist! So I made 36 cupcakes and put them in a box all ready to bring to school tomorrow :3

Honestly, if you haven't bought this book and you're into vegan baking BUY IT!!!!!! This is the second time I've ever baked vegan, the first time being last summer when I made cupcakes from the Babycakes cookbook. They were good, especially considering that they were gluten and sugar free, which these, unfortunately are not. However, they're REALLY good and since its a class party I made an exception.

Adios!

-Maddie